人真是越活越无趣，原本每年年终记标题，甭管尬不尬，是要认真思索起一个的。而现在则是把一个单薄的数字扔到标题栏里就假装岁月静好了（捂脸，多少还是有点脸红
相信成长的下一步目标就是连脸红都没有，堂而皇之的take it
（不过在文章写到结尾的时候决定还是给这个数字加个注解，做人难啊做人好，还是做个人吧）
回归到主题，又是一年过去了。Time flys。这一年的关键词大概是，变化？
终于从小破嘎达Midland回到“大””城市” Houston，终于不再每天起早贪黑周周倒时差，终于成为了一个当年一直多少有点梦想的“白领”，穿着business casual踩着高跟鞋（虽然也就持续了很短一段时间就回归了牛仔裤运动鞋打扮）
然后也终于松开手放弃了唯一喜欢的那个人，终于不再对未来有什么期待，终于对父母小心翼翼询问相亲意愿的时候点了头到最后也还是没脱开这一切
所以，是真的，从物质到精神的，变化了，颇有一点转了一圈回归原点的意味。
至于分段主题，今年打算多加入一个魔幻现实，大概原因就是之前和二月聊天提到以前某年发生过什么但是无论如何也想不起来，想说看看年终祭，可是又意识到之前的年终祭基本不会涉及到这些，于是就有点抓瞎……综上种种，打算也约略的写一写让自己印象深刻意难平的事（因为实在是没有多少正面消息）
emmmm 仔细想想还是另起一篇专门写魔幻现实吧，不然总觉得多多少少有些抒情的一篇就要彻底被破坏气氛了
OK 闲话少说（虽然已经说了很多了）切入正题（虽然已经又是第二年五月了……（然后现在已经是六月了
一直没办法下定决心敲字，归根结底其实还是和曾经喜欢的人有所牵扯，无从下手
而现在算是前尘往事整理干净，也就意味着我终于又一次能写出个长篇大论
有时候想想自己真没意思，每年的主题基本都是儿女情长，也没什么深刻思想……可能这就是真的我吧¯\_(ツ)_/¯
俗人一个，且又怂又没追求，感慨最多的不过是情情爱爱自我感动自我演绎罢了hhh 但所谓长大或许也就是承认自己不过卑微尘世的一员而已
Anyway，是结束了，时隔多年的再一次心动心跳
【还以为你就是我的答案，没想到你只是我的片段
当你离开，黑夜带走了我的天蓝
忘不了你心跳在我耳畔
两个人在风中十指纠缠
满心期待，你和我说好的未来
难道路到最后都要转弯，难道爱快乐后必须心酸
万水千山，到哪里才能不再孤单
这世界我只愿与你相爱
谁能让时间倒转
我们的爱，是不是真的回不来】
这首歌是有多合适我们啊……
命运太草率让我们相遇又分开
那些美好还刻画在心坎，我能拥抱的却只剩遗憾
思念太长，然而幸福……太短
其实算算真的纠缠了两年半这么久，比之前任何一个都要久
从一开始的喜欢就好，到不知足，到两个人互相折磨，到心灰意冷遇上回眸寻觅，而后争执分崩离析……待到这一步已经无法回头的遗憾与痛苦，无法回应的自我鞭挞，最终依旧是无言收尾
而这一次，大概是真的收尾了
有时候想想人类也是可悲可笑，为什么总会有时差存在于双方的相处时间中
如果你能早一点点，如果我能久一点点
嘛……且不说这只是如果，即便真的存在了或许我们也还是不能长久
可还是不甘心，在最喜欢的时候没能得到对方的回应，若只是单向的话也就认了，但我们明明都向对方伸出过曾经瑟缩藏起的手，却依旧落空
我们能拥抱的确实只剩遗憾
——————
下一Part，愈发迷茫不清的未来
签证无从解决，于是一切都无法确定
这种不安定感混杂着不知道什么才是自己的生活的迷茫，在这一年里发酵终于变成了无处落脚的恐慌
不知道自己应该留在米国，还是去加拿大，或是跟着公司去别处分公司看看？
不知道自己到底要不要继续干这个工作，没兴趣是真的没兴趣，工资也无法carry的无趣，可是不干的话又要做什么呢？咖啡店吗，并不太现实。环游旅行的自由职业者吗，压力其实也很大吧……
不知道自己现在每天除了上班在家就是看看小说锻锻炼，好像也没什么别的兴趣爱好，难道四十岁时候也是这样吗，到底要如何界定自己的生活？因为没有结婚生子的计划所以已经和多数同龄人走上了迥然不同的道路，尽管深刻的知道各活各的，我也并不对那种生活有任何期望，可是脱离了按部就班的自己应该怎么走往哪儿走，就变成了n元方程，找不出一个解
可能是太少仔细探究内心喜好，于是一切变得很混沌，好像什么都可以，可是又深深恐惧着万一有变化的话会不会突然发现自己对什么不可以了
这辈子到底要活成个什么样子呢？不带任何别人期望仅考虑自己的话好像真的没有任何想法……以前觉得人生就是体验经历，可就只是这样而已吗？答案未知
这一刻真的很羡慕有着明确人生目标的人…
父母的话，娘亲很想我回去，毕竟在身边怎么都方便些，可是我本质拒绝，但北老师也在筹码里，于是我又一次回到这个令人疯狂纠结的选择题里
做个人可真难——2019继续烦恼吧
Overall，又是一年过去了，时间不留情 但时间也确实留给自己了很多点滴经历所兑换的阅历
2019，三十而立，加油吧
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